Teaching Tania - the case of the cat crimewave
When the headstrong eleven year old Tania gets an idea, NOTHING can divert her from her goal. And nothing gets her going more than the discovery of some injustice in the world.
Nor does the 'help' she gets from her somewhat cynical English tutor serve to temper the mayhem. Righting wrongs with Tania comes with considerable collateral damage.
This book is available as an e-book download for £1.71 ($2.99) from :
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Sample Chapter
Chapter 4. Book Review
Dear Tania,
Thank you for sending me your book review. There were very few grammar mistakes, and your spelling was excellent too. I agree with you, Roald Dahl is a wonderful writer and the book about witches was very interesting and funny.
I don’t think you’re right about your Mum though. You might have been a little too influenced by her decision against having a cat in the house. I can understand your disappointment but I really do think you’ve got it wrong in the case of your Mum. As you know from your reading, witches love cats and hate children. Your mother, on the other hand, obviously doesn’t like cats at all. And, in spite of what you are thinking right now, I can promise you that your mother does love children. After all, she’s still keeping you in the house, isn’t she?
In fact, if we were to take a logical approach, you are the one who loves cats. And just at this moment you detest people, or at least one particular non–cat-loving person. So, if we were looking for a witch in your family, it isn’t your mother who would be the principle suspect. But I am sure you are not a witch, otherwise I would be a little concerned for your Mum’s safety in the present circumstances.
I’m really sorry you’ve taken your Mum’s decision so badly, but I did try to warn you how difficult it would be to get her to change her mind. It always was a lost cause, I’m afraid. All I can suggest now is that you abandon this particular lost cause, and take up a new cause which is at least slightly more hopeful.
The causes which come to mind are world peace, third world poverty, and the health of the global economy. I realise that mankind has not been too successful with any of these problems up to now, but that’s because we have put ourselves in the hands of politicians. I have already told you on several occasions what I think of politicians. What level of intelligence can someone have if he thinks that the way to world peace is to have a war? And even you, who are only learning the English language, must be able to understand the total lack of sense in a phrase like ‘We’re fighting for peace’. I am sure that, with your superior intelligence, if you forgot about cats and concentrated on one of the major problems of modern society, you could come up with something far better than anything our current world leaders have produced so far.
Perhaps, however, you would be more interested in a cause in which children are involved. Improving relationships between children and their parents springs to mind, but in the present circumstances I don’t suppose you feel much like thinking about that just at the moment.
You could perhaps devote some time to explaining the devious workings of children’s minds to your teachers. You remember me telling you that adults don’t remember any of their childhood experiences, so such knowledge could be extremely useful for them. I don’t mean myself, of course. As you know, I understand children perfectly, as indeed I understand everything. But I am exceptional, and you might even say unique. But at school, for example, you must have some quite ordinary teachers who would benefit form any help you could give them.
So, to sum up, I think the best thing for you is to abandon all thoughts of cats, or indeed even animals, and to dedicate your spare time, after homework and piano practice of course, to thinking about major world problems. You may choose one of my suggestions above, or you may have some pet project of your own.
If you would care to write the results of your deliberations as your next homework exercise, I will undertake to pass the details on to the most appropriate authorities.
Good thinking,
Your Teacher
J.
You can buy this e- book for download at Amazon and Smashwords - click the on-line store name.
Dear Tania,
Thank you for sending me your book review. There were very few grammar mistakes, and your spelling was excellent too. I agree with you, Roald Dahl is a wonderful writer and the book about witches was very interesting and funny.
I don’t think you’re right about your Mum though. You might have been a little too influenced by her decision against having a cat in the house. I can understand your disappointment but I really do think you’ve got it wrong in the case of your Mum. As you know from your reading, witches love cats and hate children. Your mother, on the other hand, obviously doesn’t like cats at all. And, in spite of what you are thinking right now, I can promise you that your mother does love children. After all, she’s still keeping you in the house, isn’t she?
In fact, if we were to take a logical approach, you are the one who loves cats. And just at this moment you detest people, or at least one particular non–cat-loving person. So, if we were looking for a witch in your family, it isn’t your mother who would be the principle suspect. But I am sure you are not a witch, otherwise I would be a little concerned for your Mum’s safety in the present circumstances.
I’m really sorry you’ve taken your Mum’s decision so badly, but I did try to warn you how difficult it would be to get her to change her mind. It always was a lost cause, I’m afraid. All I can suggest now is that you abandon this particular lost cause, and take up a new cause which is at least slightly more hopeful.
The causes which come to mind are world peace, third world poverty, and the health of the global economy. I realise that mankind has not been too successful with any of these problems up to now, but that’s because we have put ourselves in the hands of politicians. I have already told you on several occasions what I think of politicians. What level of intelligence can someone have if he thinks that the way to world peace is to have a war? And even you, who are only learning the English language, must be able to understand the total lack of sense in a phrase like ‘We’re fighting for peace’. I am sure that, with your superior intelligence, if you forgot about cats and concentrated on one of the major problems of modern society, you could come up with something far better than anything our current world leaders have produced so far.
Perhaps, however, you would be more interested in a cause in which children are involved. Improving relationships between children and their parents springs to mind, but in the present circumstances I don’t suppose you feel much like thinking about that just at the moment.
You could perhaps devote some time to explaining the devious workings of children’s minds to your teachers. You remember me telling you that adults don’t remember any of their childhood experiences, so such knowledge could be extremely useful for them. I don’t mean myself, of course. As you know, I understand children perfectly, as indeed I understand everything. But I am exceptional, and you might even say unique. But at school, for example, you must have some quite ordinary teachers who would benefit form any help you could give them.
So, to sum up, I think the best thing for you is to abandon all thoughts of cats, or indeed even animals, and to dedicate your spare time, after homework and piano practice of course, to thinking about major world problems. You may choose one of my suggestions above, or you may have some pet project of your own.
If you would care to write the results of your deliberations as your next homework exercise, I will undertake to pass the details on to the most appropriate authorities.
Good thinking,
Your Teacher
J.
You can buy this e- book for download at Amazon and Smashwords - click the on-line store name.
Copyright 2010 James Gault